By Ian Kerner, Special to CNN

(CNN) — With the recent vote against gay marriage in North Carolina and President Obama’s support of marriage equality, same-sex relationships are making headlines.

But my colleagues and I have less political concerns: We’re focused on helping our gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients navigate their way through many of same relationship hurdles that heterosexual clients face.

Couples of all orientations find themselves struggling with the same issues, from mismatched libidos to sex ruts to infidelity. “The underlying dynamics are identical,” says Emily Nagoski, sex educator and author of “A Scientific Guide to Successful Relationships.”

“They may play out differently because of the differences in gender or because of external social pressures, but the rules are the same — and there’s some clear indications that gay couples are actually better at following those rules than straight couples!”

Nagoski pointed me to a 12-year study of same-sex couples by eminent marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman, which concluded that all couple types – straight or gay – have many of the same issues and the same paths to staying happy together.

But Gottman’s research also indicated that gay/lesbian couples are more upbeat in the face of conflict and, compared to straight couples, use more affection and humor when they bring up a disagreement.

“When it comes to emotions, we think these couples may operate with very different principles than straight couples,” says Gottman. “Straight couples may have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian relationships.”

Studies suggest, for instance, that gay male couples tend to have sex more often than any other type of couples, while lesbian couples tend to have the least amount of sex. Since women often value emotional intimacy over sexual intimacy, low sex drive may not be a concern.

Likewise, two men who have strong libidos may be able to accommodate their sexual desires within an open relationship.

“A number of my gay clients prefer to be sexually open but emotionally monogamous,” says sex and relationship therapist Joe Kort. “They can have lovers on the side and not have it be a threat to the relationship.”

It’s a type of male coupledom that sex columnist Dan Savage has famously termed “monogamish” – but it’s not necessarily unique to gay relationships.

“Overall, men are good at compartmentalizing sexual and emotional feelings,” explains Kort. “It’s a guy thing, not a gay thing.”

At the same time, gay and lesbian couples can have unique concerns that just don’t exist in straight relationships. For example, “each partner may be in a different stage of coming out,” says Kort.

“If one partner is more ‘out’, he or she may push for things that the other partner might not feel comfortable with yet, like meeting one another’s families or being physically affectionate in public.”

Gender can also play a big role in the way couples relate to each other, in and out of the bedroom, and same-sex couples are no exception.

In general, says Kort, women tend to focus on emotional intimacy, while men can be more emotionally distant. Lesbian and gay couples may benefit from counseling when both partners strongly have these characteristics. In other words, a female couple may be so closely bonded that they want to work on nurturing their individual selves, while counseling can help a male couple learn how to better open up to each other.

If you’re considering counseling, it pays to do your research.

“Your therapist doesn’t have to be gay or lesbian, but he or she should be absolutely be gay and lesbian-informed, not just gay and lesbian-friendly,” explains Kort.

That includes having deep insight into the often-subtle differences between same-sex and heterosexual couples, from concerns about discrimination and being ‘out’, to childhood influences, to sexual issues.

– Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

It’s so hard to get ‘it’ right.  If others don’t find fault we do.  And if they do, we may not, or be pushed to out-do them.  But what matters most is that we cultivate love in this life, and freedom in its expression.

I daresay that if the love we have, first for ourselves, then for those closest to us, and if we are inwardly free–not bound by mental chatter, obsessive thoughts, compulsive habits, harsh judgments or attitudes that take us away from our center, our integrity stands the greatest chance of remaining steadfast.  The threads of the cloth hold together so we can clean up in all dimensions.

And when we hide, suppress our feelings, hide them even from ourselves, integrity disintegrates, and leaves a pool of water on the ground.  We go underground and fear or anxiety dominate our field.  We isolate ourselves, do not feel connected to others and tend toward depression.

In this state, and usually in subtle forms of it, compensation for the loss of connectedness, usually based on a feeling of not being loved or being lovable, or worthy of love, begins to occur.  This compensation is usually expressed through pathological actions such as unbridled greed, the manic quest for power and control, as well as acts of domination.

The worst expressions in our macro-world, in government and mega-corporations, are but, I suggest, compensations for the lack of love, compassion, freedom and joy.  The inner anger and frustration come out as “I’ll show them!” and the outside world is the clay through which revenge is rendered.

Join me this coming Monday evening to discuss the psycho-emotional mechanisms under and riddling the Body Politic and our society at large.  It starts personal, ends personal, and in between, can become of high service or low. It’s all in our hands.

Join me again every Wednesday evening at 6pm EDT on Blog Talk Radio, for a half hour of monologue, q&a or dialogue largely about Spiritual Capitalism,

Thomas Huebl is well-known teacher in Europe and just getting known here in the U.S.  This week’s interview with him was actually my first, and I enjoyed our rapport very much.  He has much to share, from clarity to a larger view of reality from which we can all benefit. I hope you tune in to hear this lively conversation.

Can you imagine if the schoolyard were filled with only bullies?  What fun is that?!  But that’s exactly how our society is run.  There are a group of old-monied families who feel they control the schoolyard–the rules (government) and the money (banking, Wall St., etc.).

Well, it’s obvious that people are very tired of this.  There are intellectuals, scholars, scientists, artists, cultural creatives who find this old story very old and very mediocre, and are yearning for more.

Independent candidates offer hope for the restoration of commonsense Democracy and balance in a way of life.  The two-party game is one that has outlived its usefulness.  I urge people to look into the 3rd party candidates, from Rocky Anderson of the Justice Party, to Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party to Jill Stein of the Green Party.

As it is right now, it took renowned journalist Chris Hedges, with a series of colleagues, to sue President Obama over the NDAA, the National Defense Authorization Act, an unconstitutional piece of legislation we’ve discussed numerous times in these blogs, to bring national attention to something that the commercial, ordinary, bought-and-paid-for media, ignores. Truly among the most important legislation of all time, wholly disrupting and corrupting the entire moral fabric of our society since the Magna Carta, goes wholly ignored by the most “honored” news shows on CNN, MSNBC and the rest of them.  It’s a veritable blackout.  But not in the alternative media, the New Media, the Media that’s about serving the People.

Just this morning, Chris announced that the judge in the law suit, ruled that indeed, those provisions regarding indefinite detention are unconstitutional and she struck them down.  Amen!

This is a great relief for Democracy in this country, as it is being slowly restored by such acts.  A Better World wants to acknowledge this act of courage and American heroism of Chris and his colleagues, and this is the way the world changes. As well as the fortitude and integrity of the Judge presiding over this critically important case.

As Margaret Mead said, Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

For over a year now, Mitchell, invited by Arianna Huffington, has been writing for the Huffington Post. The subjects range from how to deal with stress to socially-conscious lending, from challenging hydro-fracking to how to develop sustainability, green-thinking and humanity in the new-paradigm corporation & society.

Then there is Mike Adams’ www.naturalnews.com which is another place where I’ve published articles on Health, Stress, Total biology and Wellness, a site that tells so much about what’s really going on in our society, you really don’t want to miss it!